


Without pretence

by ItsAshippersWorld



Category: Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 11:23:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20741405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsAshippersWorld/pseuds/ItsAshippersWorld
Summary: In which Clara is a hero (and every one of us).Also I know we don't know Lord Babington's first name (unless I missed something) but it felt necessary for him to have one!





	Without pretence

It had been three weeks since Esther had refused Lord Babington's proposal and she realised as she sat eating breakfast that if she was honest with herself for a moment that she had thought of hardly anything else since. She missed his daily letters full of tales of London society. As she took a bite of toast it occurred to her that she hadn't laughed since they had stood by the waterfall. She wanted to laugh.

Her existence with Edward was empty in that respect. Edward never sought to make her laugh, he would seek to amuse her with snide comments about acquaintences but for Edward there was no amusement to be found without someone else's misery. Babington never told her tales of misery, there was, she doubted, a snide bone in his body. He did not ignite passion within her as Edward did but she was sure he would never hurt her as Edward often relished doing.

Esther was interrupted from her musings by Clara arriving with an invitation - there was to be a ball in London thrown by one of Lady Denham's oldest friends and in light of her recent brush with death Lady Denham had decided they would all be travelling up to town for the occasion. Doctor Fuchs had been helpless in the face of such determination and had relented under promises that Lady Denham herself would not dance. In typical form, Clara recounted to Esther, she had told him she would do exactly as she pleased. 

Esther smiled slightly. She had felt a brief moment of hope that the ball would give her a chance to run into Lord Babington until she remembered the Parkers saying he was at his country house for the rest of the summer. She was to have no chance at redemption, not that she wanted one anyway she reminded herself. As if reading her mind Edward looked up from his papers and said "such a shame, sister, you will have no opportunity to humiliate that buffoon Babington further." He laughed but it was false and abrupt and it left her cold. How strange it was that but four weeks ago her heart quickened whenever he spoke to her, that three weeks ago she had turned down a man, a good man, on a promise from him. A promise Edward had broken days later when he flirted preposterously with some new arrivals in town going so far as to take the prettiest, though not the richest, as their aunt had been quick to point out, on a picnic to the beach. 

Clara looked down at Esther, opened her mouth as if to say something and moved one hand slightly forward as though to touch her. Esther felt her old anger building in her, she didn't need pity from the likes of Clara. "Luckily I am sure there will be other fools to amuse me in London" she said as she stood and swept from the room.

It was late the following day when they arrived at Lady Denham's London house. The journey had made her tired and irritable and therefore crueler than usual and they all longed to be free of the confines of the carriage. Edward carefully helped the ladies down but as they made to enter the house Lady Denham announced she wanted a word in private with Esther. With a meaningful stare at his step-sister Edward escorted Clara into the house leaving Esther with her aunt on the steps.

"Esther, I know you have always found it hugely amusing to lead on the young men who show an interest in you. Indeed you have made something of a sport of it. I know you are seeking some great show of love and fireworks but perhaps you should look more favourably on kindness and a good fortune. The world is a cruel place, you do not want a cruel man at your side especially when you get to my age. Companionship and stability is the best most of us can hope for and unless you find someone soon even that will be beyond you. There will be all the young men worth knowing at the ball tomorrow. Do not fail again." 

Without waiting for a response she walked into the house. Esther scoffed. What did the old lady know about anything, she was just a bitter, twisted woman. How could she talk of cruelty as if she didn't dole it out incessantly herself. Esther wanted a man who loved her. She wanted Edward. Briefly the day at the waterfall, Lord Babington on bended knee and the moment of pure happiness she had felt came to the front of her mind but she shoved it down. It would be fine she told herself, she knew the plan - get the inheritance, move to Italy together and live the rest of their days as they wished. 

The next evening, they are climbed back into the carriage for the brief trip across town to where the ball was to be held. Esther had spent all day carefully grooming herself and she had been rewarded by Edward whispering in her ear as his fingers trailed across her neck how divine she looked. It had made her shiver, her blood running hot and she felt joy rush through her body. Despite an inevitable evening watching him flirt with other women she already felt she had won.

They had not been at the ball long when Clara came up to her. In recent weeks, when Edward was not around, they had reached a sort of truce and Esther was even beginning to admire Clara's commitment to the task at hand and her ability to consistently wrong foot Edward. "I don't mean to panic you Esther but it would appear we were misinformed about Lord Babington's whereabouts as he has just walked through the door accompanying a young lady". Esther felt her stomach drop, she looked around for a way to escape and grabbed desperately at Clara's arm, "has he seen me?" she asked. Clara shook her head minutely and turned, lifting her drink to hide her face as Lord Babington walked past laughing as he called to a friend ahead. Esther watched as he attended to the young woman with him. She felt her blood run cold as she realised who he must be writing his daily letters to now. She looked dully at Edward a few tables away already working his charms on a pair of sisters, they giggled inanely at him. This was the life she would always have, there would be no idyllic Italian existence, Edward would never be truly hers because he didn't want to be but he knew how to keep her dangling on maybes. She felt the anger build in her until she turned back to look at Babington and sadness hit her like a wall. Not only would Edward not give her what she wanted, thought she wanted, but he had deprived her of a man who truly saw her and still wanted to be with her.

"Clara I suddenly feel very unwell, tell aunt that I took the carriage home" Esther had barely finished before she was rushing from the room. Clara went to go after her, thought better of it and turned back to face the rest of the room just in time to watch Lord Babington's face fall as he saw Esther's dress whip round the door.

Clara quietly knocked at Esther's door the next morning. It was early but she hoped Esther would be awake, she anxiously fiddled with the folded paper she held. Esther softly called from within and Clara entered. Esther looked a mess. Clara was shocked, despite all her previous views on Esther she could never have accused her of looking anything less than perfectly put together. Esther glared up at her, "what do you want?" she snapped.

Clara moved forward holding the paper out as a peace offering, "I came to give you this. I have a feeling you might want it but you will need to act soon" she said, handing Esther the paper as she spoke. Esther opened it eyeing Clara suspiciously "whose address is this?"

"Lord Babington's."

"And what, makes you think that I would want this?" Esther spat at her.

Clara sighed, "Esther you can cover your feelings with harsh words and anger all you want but we both know why you ran out of that ball last night and it wasn't Edward's tragic efforts to flirt with those giggling idiots. There are not a lot of good men in this world and you should consider yourself lucky that one of them wants you - you should have seen his face as you left and while he might not make you feel like Edward does, you felt something when you looked at him last night. I have never seen you leave a ball jealous of Edward's companions and maybe if you let him, Lord Babington will make you feel as Edward does and I hope he makes you feel better than Edward does. However, it is your life and I will interfere no further except to say that he is leaving this morning for the country and there is talk he means to marry the woman he was with last night." Without giving Esther time to respond Clara walked back out of the room.

For a moment Esther remained motionless in her bed then she took a deep breath threw back the covers and began to rush around the room in a flurry of activity. Her head felt all over the place - one second she felt furious with Clara for interfering the next she felt furious with Babington for trying to replace her the next she felt furious with herself for having been so stupid. She remembered the sound of his laughter so honest and open and her heart felt full. Clara was right. It was not the dramatic passion she felt for Edward, it was something more fundamental and it could be the foundation of a life together. So long as she could convince him to forgive her. 

She rushed down the stairs and crept out the side door. She could not take the carriage as her aunt wound be able to find out where she went and should her mission be unsuccessful she did not want her shame to be known. She walked to the corner of the street and took a waiting taxi carriage. She paid the driver extra to hurry and luckily London was still quiet of much of the carriage traffic that would clog the streets later in the morning.

Esther arrived at Lord Babington's house and was shown in by a slightly bemused footman. She waiting a few minutes before being shown into the morning room where Lord Babington sat, alone, drinking coffee. He did not stand to greet her and his face was set hard although Esther saw, or thought she saw, a glimmer of joy in his eyes. Perhaps there was hope.

Without bothering with pleasantries she began, "I am a fool. I turned you down for a dream, actually less than a dream a whisper of half of a dream perhaps but nothing that could ever materialise. My head was full of it though and I failed to listen to my heart, my heart that wanted to laugh. I love to laugh you know, people assume I am cold but I am not really and you saw that. You saw through me and I think it scared me, and this fear combined with my nonsense dreams meant I said no to you. I wanted to protect myself I think, I claimed I didn't feel anything but I was afraid I might feel too much and then I saw you last night with that woman and I felt it. All the wrong feelings but too much of them and I realised what a terrible error I had made so I came here." 

She paused and for the first time looked up from the floor and met his gaze. She saw he was wavering but she understood he had put himself out there and she had rebuffed him. He was afraid now that she would hurt him again.

Esther gathered her skirts slightly and sunk to one knee, she felt her eyes fill and her voice cracked slightly as she said "so I came here to ask, without pretence, if you would want to be my husband still." 

She couldn't look at him. It had all been in vain.

Humiliation rose in her as she moved to quickly stand up, her foot caught in her skirt and she wobbled. A strong hand caught her waist. "Will the future Lady Babington please call me George?"


End file.
